Dear {{first_name}},
The Olympics come to an end this weekend. We all love to watch all the events each night, but at the same time, we know some events are more popular than others. Swimming, diving and gymnastics are at the top of many of our watch lists. Gymnastics is always a crowd favorite and we’re used to our gymnasts taking home many medals. When we think about gymnastics, we often think about women’s gymnastics more than the men’s competitions. With that said, this year a male Israeli gymnast won gold in the floor routine. Nevertheless, the reality is we enjoy watching the women gymnasts perform miraculous feats in all of their events. It’s a bit strange that they’re called “women” because the athletes are often definitively not women… they are teenage girls. They’re dressed up and have makeup on their faces. They are poised and able to sit in interviews and make “adult” comments. But at the end of the day, they are kids. What’s also disconnected is the demand placed on them to smile. Runners don’t smile. Bike riders don’t smile. Volleyball players don’t smile. But in this sport, we look for joy and happiness to be projected by the athletes. This year Simone Biles, undoubtedly one of the greatest of all time, brought to our attention the struggle behind the smiles. Simone bravely bowed out of competitions because she was not able to compete mentally. She owes no explanation any more than someone who has a sprained ankle. She doesn’t owe other athletes an apology for taking a spot on the team any more than an athlete with a broken wrist would need to make. The reality is we want smiles all of time and ignore the reality that life’s not all about smiles. Life is about much more than joy and happiness. Life is about joy and sadness. It’s about triumph and defeat. Life is about humor and seriousness. A complete life can never be completely happy because that’s not how we are built. In our attempt to “be happy”, we have belittled true and necessary emotions that are inside each and every one of us. When people are fearful we tell them to not worry, but do we ever sit and talk about the legitimate or perhaps illegitimate causes of their anxieties? When people don’t laugh at our jokes we act as if they lack a sense of humor rather than wondering if they have other things on their mind. We’ve been raised to seek to attain positive emotions and maintain them at all times rather than embracing the whole human experience which is, in the words of the 1980s theme song, “you take the good, you take the bad, add it up and there you have… the facts of life.” But this is much more pernicious than we think it is. It’s not just that we refuse to acknowledge the hurt and sadness around us and inside of us… we look down on those who do. How often have you shared something from a counseling session with another person? The answer is likely seldom if ever. The likelihood is you don’t share with anyone that you’ve spoken to a therapist. This is because we mistakenly associate therapy with weakness. Over my life, I’ve seen different therapists for issues I was confronting. I say this because in my mind I do not see a therapist appointment as any different than seeing a cardiologist or a dermatologist. Seeing a therapist is the same thing as the dialysis a person with compromised kidneys receives. It’s the same thing as the antibiotic for a sinus infection. Our souls are a part of who we are and we need to take care of them. In fact, I would argue that seeing a mental health therapist is not a sign of weakness… rather it’s a sign of strength. The person with the courage to be vulnerable and sit and talk with someone about their pain, stress and struggles is so much stronger than the one who buries and ignores it. The opening words of this week’s portion, Re’eh, are “see I set before you today a blessing and a curse.” Could the Torah be any more explicit in its assertion? Our world is filled with dualities we all must confront. Indeed, there are numerous blessings all around us and they should be celebrated. But there are also numerous curses in our midst that need to be acknowledged as well.
I often look at this text as the Torah explaining that we have a choice to make: blessing or curse. I think that would be a wrong way of seeing it in this context. It’s wrong to think someone who is depressed is choosing to be sad. It’s wrong to think an anxious individual is consciously choosing to worry and not just embracing things as they are. It’s wrong to think mental health is a choice we have. It’s not a choice any more than cancer is a choice. We’re all going to experience illnesses over our lifetimes, both physical and emotional. Neither are things we can “just ignore” or “fix.” They are illnesses that need to be addressed. When we get the treatment we need, we will be stronger. When we recognize our world has much to smile about, at the same time it has much to be grief-stricken by, we will be more ready to get the help that we each need. Shabbat Shalom, Rabbi Hearshen |